Since my last post a lot has happened. I have begun my neuroscience research, been to conferences, taught class, got engaged, the list just goes on and on. The problem is, I have begun to slip. I am officially in the position that no self respecting scientist (or career focused person for that matter) wishes to be. I have become a disappointment to my superiors. This is my confession and my penance.
I started strong. I began working in the lab hard, very hard. If I can take one positive out of this it is that my lab work is good (though I feel it could be better). But I took on too many obligations. I tried to do too much research. With too many professors. Which led to me ultimately neglecting my MA proposal. I found myself procrastinating on drafts. I would write a bit the night before the deadline I had set. My writing showed it. I still procrastinate. Most recently I took 20 hours to write a paper the day before it was due.
At this point I think I cannot recover from the damage to my reputation. My adviser considers me “scattered.” A term my collegues and I joke about in person, but inside I know that I am destroying my good name. It is my intent to fix this problem.
I have spent too much time on irrelevant fun, side projects, and overall time-wasting. I considered seeking professional help. But I feel like that is just another method of wasting time (much like writing this blog). Hence, I have a list of resolutions. These will take effect immediately, as opposed to the new year’s tradition.
1) Is what I am doing now beneficial to my career?
2) Become an expert in my studies, my work.
3) I will be a morning person.
4) I will go to sleep early.
5) When given a task I will start it immediately.
This is merely a start to my evolution. My chances of getting into a good PhD program now may have been ruined. But a man is defined by how he adapts to failure. I will not let my failure consume me.
